The Irregulars Savage Rifts


Dear Mother,

I still don’t feel quite right that I am writing you. Da’ said that you aren’t my real mum, and that killed her when you took over her body. I am not sure what to believe. I can’t see any reason for Da’ to lie, but something inside me says that you are still there…just lost.

That slumber party wasn’t really that fun. We never even went into the lady house. Instead, we ran into this big hairy bear-gorilla with octopus arms. It was sort of like that relic that Da’ has in his Game Room, where he keeps souvenirs from all of his bounties. It is that hairy black one that is a robot and plays a piano. The piano says something like “Rock-Afire”. It had a gold tuxedo jacket and black bow tie. It sort of creeped me out when ever it turned on. Da’ called him “Fatz Geronimo” It had a missing eye that Da’ was always trying to find at the market in Castle Rock. Da’ said that there were other relics that were part of this collection, some bears with guitars and a singing mouse. But like the eye, he never found anymore.

Mr. Turag called the bear-rilla-pus is a Splugorth Slaver. We had a hard time taking it down. We kept not working together. Mr. Turag tried to help my other friends but was always stopped by this energy shield on the bear-rilla-pus’s flying wheelchair. I tried to disable the shield by shooting a fire escape to smash the wheelchair, but it didn’t work. Ms. ThorFrid went crazy on the bear-rilla-pus, but got grabbed by one of its octopus arms. Mr. Keegan, too was grabbed by another arm. Mr. Keegan tried using his sleep sword to put it to sleep, but Ms. ThorFrid kept waking it back up. It seemed hopeless. I could see that some of my friends were starting to get weak and exhausted, like Mr. Turag and even Ms. Rebecca (she is the nice lady that says she can talk to Apollo, I think it is really just her boyfriend <giggle>).

It was a good thing that Mr. Turag’s mom showed up. I thought she was just good at making cookies. No! She is even more amazing at bossing people around. You should have seen how all these people started running around when she gave commands. They threw a bunch of nets on the bear-rilla-pus’s wheelchair. I was glad it was over.

After that fight, Ms. ThorFrid wanted to get some soda pop. She was really sad there wasn’t any soda pop right there. Maybe she thought the bear-rilla-pus had some extra soda pop in his wheelchair, and wouldn’t share. Whatever it was, she start walking around looking for some soda pop. I tried to tell her I knew a guy on Halifax Crt here in Stormspire that makes the best malt sodas. She was too sad to even hear me. EVENTUALLY, she went into a store, that looked nothing like the malt shop I was talking about. I don’t think they sold very good sodas there, because they didn’t even let kids in there. Everyone knows that kids know the best flavors of soda pop, duh! So, I snuck in the back to see if they had yucky soda or really lit soda.

In the back where I snuck in there was a kitchen. I quickly found a table that could conceal (C-O-N-C-E-A-L: to hide or cover up to not be seen, Mr. Turag’s spelling lesson) myself. I couldn’t see any barrels of soda! LAME! I did see a bunch of ladies dressed up in animal costumes. Being in a kitchen, I could smell something quite yummy being cooked. It smelled like a rosemary and currant basted lamb hock roasting in a pan with some bayleaf, cappers, and pearl onions. I was getting really hungry in that moment. I tried to sense if there were any supernatural creepers around that I could make into a quick tucker. It was in that very moment that this cat-lady found me under the table. She was an actual cat…lady, not a costume. She told me that I was in trouble and took me to see the Madame.

I said it was all a misunderstanding, that I was here with my friends. I wanted to lie, but I knew Da’ wouldn’t want me to lie. They asked who my friends were. I told them that my friends were very nice people who liked to help others, they were called Fenrir. I think the Madame had eaten some bad salmon, because she suddenly turned a bit green. She told me that I had to get out. She probably had a sick tummy and needed run to the potty. I would have kicked everyone out too if I was about to explode the toilet. That happened to me once at summer camp. They had to close down those latrines for a week. I told them it wasn’t my fault, and that they should never have served salmon…I HATE salmon! YUCK!

Anyway, my friends were all waiting for me downstairs. Apparently, they got the update about the salmon situation, too. We headed back to Mr. Turag’s house.

The next morning, I took Ms. ThorFrid to see Da’s friend, Leander O’Lentin on 1065 Bespin Way there in Stormspire. She wanted one of his special tattoos. When we got there, Leander told me that he couldn’t do one of the special ones, because the magic could short out ThorFrid’s brain. I whispered to him, “I think it is already shorted out awhile back.” He tried to explain to me how the tattoo worked. It all seemed too confusing. I told him just to make a non-special one, just tell her it is special. It would be our little secret. I told him that he should donate half of ThorFrid’s fee to the Agatha Hespirean House for Lost Girls. Mrs. Turag told me about how Agatha Hespirean was a lot like Ms. Rebecca. Mrs. Turag told me that both of these women were heroes and very brave. Mrs. Turag knew a lot about Ms. Rebecca. She seemed very inspired by her. Mrs. Turag told me stay close to Ms. Rebecca, and help her out, because there was a bad man that was following her. She told me not to tell Ms. Rebecca because she wouldn’t believe me. I hope it doesn’t have something to do with her boyfriend.

We were finally ready to leave Stormspire. Mr. Turag’s dad came with us. He has a funny smell. He is forgetting things. I had to remind him that my name is Benna, at least 57 times. I gave him a Forget-Me-Not flower so that he could remember me. I love these flowers. They are also called Scorpion Grass or Myosotis, which means “mouse ear”. They are such a pretty blue. He gave me a silly daisy that was already starting to lose its petals and die. I didn’t tell him that. I wanted to be polite. Even though he smells weird, he is nice.

After we dropped Mr. Turag’s dad at Castle Refuge, we started to head to Castle Rock, where we met Da’. That is when he told me that you were dead. I ran way when he yelled at me.

I was glad to be leaving Castle Rock. We took Mr. Silas’s yellow submarine to…get this…the CENTER of the EARTH!!! Did you know that the center of the Earth is a whole world? With a HUMUNGOUS tree! That is where we are heading to now. I can see it off in the distance. It is bigger than a whole mountain. I betcha it is bigger than moon…no the SUN! It is ginormous. The closer we get the more unbelievable it looks. I feel a strange pull towards it. I am excited what we will find when we get there.

Talk to you later, mum




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